Merry Ho Ho!!

December 24, 2008 at 10:05 am (Uncategorized)

There has been a long running joke here at the office about the “Employee of the Month”.  There are only four of us and one is the wanker, so the pool is small.

For Christmas the graphic designer, an eccentric Polish woman who requires a whole blog post on her own, made me a present.

She hand made me an award for every month of 2008.  On each “award” is the month, my name and the words, Employee of the Month.

I decided to don them a la Michael Phelps and email it to some people in the company.  Your Christmas present from me?  A picture of me with my “awards” and a muffin top I didn’t have when I got dressed in the morning.  WTF?!?

photo

 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!! 

CUE THE EXCESSIVE EATING & DRINKING.

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Christmas Dinner #1

December 17, 2008 at 5:17 pm (Family, Wonder Boy, Wonder Girl)

Scene:   Sunday 1:30pm in my living room:

WB:  I don’t want to go.

Me:  Suck it up.  They are family and it will only be five hours out of your life.

Cue floppy fish imitation and high pitched whining.

WB:  But I don’t want to!!!

Me:  Until you’ve been tortured for 39 years by these people you have nothing to complain about.  Now shut it and finished getting dressed.

Scene:  20 minutes later in the kitchen.

Me:  What are you doing having a beer?!?!

WB:  Liquid courage baby.  You want some?

Me:  Get in the damn car you asshat.

Scene:  2 hours later in my sister’s kitchen.

WG:  Why does that one man keep referring to you as the bad daughter?

My Sis:  Did you want me to top up your wine Josie?

Me:  He’s old and senile WG.  Just ignore him and go play with the other kids.

My Sis:  *snort* He’s 52 hon.

Me:  He’s an inbred.

My Sis:  He’s family.  I’m sorry this is so hard on you.

Me:  Hey no worries.  My self esteem hasn’t taken a good beating in awhile.  I was due.

Scene: 90 min later; heard thru my sister’s kitchen window.

WB:  where’s Mom?

My Sis:  Out on the deck with a bottle of wine and Ed’s cigarettes.

WB: I told her to drink nefore we came.  I’m so going away next year.

My Sis:  No.  We’re just not inviting these people again.

Me from outside: Can I eat out here?  I’m kind of done hearing how I shamed the family by having a child out of wedlock 181/2 f*&^ing years ago.

Scene: 2 hours later, my living room.

Me:  Gah that was horrid.

WG:  Your family isn’t very friendly to you.  What’s up with that?

Me:  They are not family hon.  They are an obgligation.

WB:  An obligation that needs to be either neutered or killed off.  Care for a drink?

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Just can’t let it go

December 10, 2008 at 4:23 pm (Wonder Boy)

A conversation last night between WB and I:

Me:  Please bring your camera & all the cords home.  Mine isn’t working.

WB:  Sure.  What are we taking pictures of?

Me:  Me smothering you with your pillow.

WB:  Haha

Me:  Laugh now.  Hard to do when you can’t breathe.

And today on Facebook:

WB Status:  is on his way home for the Holidays!!!

My comment:  did I mention I changed the locks?

Yeah, I think I’m still carrying a little animosity towards him from earlier this week….

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Love and not so much lists

December 9, 2008 at 9:23 am (Stuff)

Things I’m loving right now:

Starbucks non fat pumpkin spice lattes

Homemade shortbread

How I Met Your Mother

Homemade 60 pepper hummus on Cracked Black Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits.

The IPod I won and gave to WG to preserve my sanity

My new boots

My Gap Flirt jeans with just enough give for the aforementioned shortbread and lattes

Things that I could live without right now:

Self absorbed 18 year old boys who were raised better.

The Jonas Brothers – see aforementioned Ipod in love list.

The extra 5 pounds I’ve packed on in the last 3 weeks – damn shortbread.

School assignments.

The pilfering of my make up bag by a teen that shall remain nameless- WG!!

The -21C wind chills when winter doesn’t arrive till December 21st.

What’s on your love / not so much lists these days?

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Rambling randomness

December 4, 2008 at 2:55 pm (Rhino, Stuff, Wonder Boy)

I went snowboarding this past week end with WG and my cousin.  And while I was advised to remember the correct procedure was snowboard, then drink – thanks Allison – I found falling on my ass didn’t hurt nearly as much when I had a couple Blueberry Tea’s in me.

I went and got my hair done – finally – last night and in a moment of weakness agreed to highlights.  Um, apparently my definition of subtle and my hairdresser’s are different.  Vastly different.  I may or may not have left several messages for friends along the lines of “OMG.  My Hair.  OMG.  I got highlights.  OMG.  What was I thinking???”  When I came into work this morning one of the guys was all “WTF?!?  Are you passing out sunglasses with that do?  Holy hell.”  That’s a pretty accurate reaction.  I normally have chocolate brown hair.  I now have chocolate brown hair with VERY BRIGHT RED highlights.  I’ve decided to tell people I’m in a festive mood.

WB is in the middle of writing exams and will be home on the 10th for 3 weeks.  I am beyond ecstatic that he is coming home.  Not just because I miss him but because I am slowly losing my mind trying to do everything by myself.

Which brings me to one of the major reasons I have been absent of late.  Rhino has been home maybe 3 week ends since the school year started.  3 week ends.  I have been doing the single parent thing since the second week of September with a lovely young lady who is a little on edge about her new living arrangements.  And then on edge about the lack of time she sees her Dad.  And then on edge about the fact her mother keeps trying to get her to say bad things about us.  And then on edge cause I’m on edge.

So while we have survived the past few months, barely, I feel that Iwe have let WG down in helping her get use to living with us.  Rhino and I have had many fights conversations about this issue, to no avail.  He has to work and can’t always make the drive.  This argument drives me slowly insane in that “Hi.  Remember me over here?  2 jobs, school and raising your daughter for you.”  The back and forth and back and forth has made me put up walls and just say “Fine.  Everything’s fine.” when asked.  Unfortunately its not FINE and I need to fix it.

While I hope to be here more often, right now I’m just trying to hold everyone together to get thru the Holidays.

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