Proof

May 29, 2008 at 11:44 pm (Family, Friends, Rhino, Wonder Boy, Work)

Proof Men are not all that bright:

Instead of staying home last night, WB attended Orientation night for the camp counsellors.  He choose not to eat the pizza as his stomach was still iffy.  Yes, this would make you think he is acting as a smart adult.  The next will not.  He ate a whole slice of baked bean and corn pie topped with whipped cream.  Why?  It was a dare.  Needless to say, the boy is still not all that well today.

Proof the Wanker is out to drive me insane:

He has been back from vacay since Wednesday and has still not spoken to me, other than by email.  And those are just to ask me to take care of things for him.  Did I mention there is only 4 people in our office on a regular basis?  Or that I saved his ass while he was away and he thanked someone else for it?  Or that my review is officially 2 months overdue and he still has “no time for such trivial matters”?  Or that he was late his first day back, left for lunch and never came back?  I could be a VP.  Honest.  At half the price.

Proof my Mother has multiple personalities:

Last week she was in the office yelling at me and this week?  Dropping off herbal remedies everyday for my Gall Bladder and to make sure I’m okay.  Just for the record – we have not spoken since last Tuesday when I told her she couldn’t come into my place of work and treat me like I was 13.

Proof the Dr’s may be a little wrong:

Had a green apple vodka and soda tonight.  No pain.  Alcohol and soda are no no’s.  I may have found the cure:)

Proof I’m insane:

I have a 2yr old and 5 month old from 2pm Friday till noon Sunday.  No wonder WB and Rhino are leaving town.

Proof its love:

Rhino is home tonight and leaving tomorrow for a week up North with the boys.  It will involve fishing, portaging, drinking, eating lots of meat, drinking, poker, fishing, drinking…you get the picture.  I packed his stuff for him tonight and as he gets home next Saturday, 18 hours before having to fly back to Vancouver – I promised I would do his laundry.  The stench rivals that of a hockey bag.  Yep, its love.

6 Comments

Ugghh

May 29, 2008 at 12:41 am (The comedy act that is my life)

Eat single serving of low fat blueberry yogurt.

20 minutes later, double over in pain.

Eat 2 low sodium stone wheat crackers.  Plain!!

10 minutes later double over in pain.

Throw caution to the wind and drink a cup of coffee with skim milk to stay awake.

3 minutes later double over in pain.

Seriously, if my Dr can figure out how to remove this thing without me having to miss 2 weeks of work……I will give her my first flu infested, miserable, whiny, sucky, demanding, hasn’t-given-birth-so-shut-it eighteen year old.

Yeah, nothing’s changed since yesterday.  Okay, no cute baby pics but still the same.

2 Comments

The plague has descended

May 27, 2008 at 8:08 pm (Friends, Wonder Boy)

Apparently we have pissed off someone in the universe as WB has the flu so bad, he is asking to be “put down.”  And I spent yesterday in the ER for my first ever gall bladder attack.  Ummmm, yeah – those f*&king hurt.  I am still not standing up straight from the pain.

Before the plague came to visit, I was lucky enough to stand up and promise to be this lovely little girl’s godmother:

Her parents happen to be two of my favourite people in the whole wide world and the parents of my godson:

And here is what is being called the picture of Mike with his 2 wives but which I’m calling the absolute worst picture ever taken of me ever – and that’s saying something.

 

Not too sure when my arms got that pasty and big, nor do I know why I look constipated…..sigh.

7 Comments

The Girlfriend (Stoli helps writer’s block – 2 posts in 1 day!)

May 23, 2008 at 12:00 am (Stuff, Wonder Boy)

This one is open to all comments because I think know I am too close to the subject.

First incident:

The day WB went to Guelph for Science Orientation day, he went with his ex, as she is in the same program.  WB was honest and upfront with Kelsi, who is fully aware they are still friends and has met the ex.

When WB came home he was bouncing off of walls with excitement about his new school, the labs, the people and yes – the girls.  His whole face was lit up as he rambled on about science stuff that just numbs my brain.  When Kelsi called, his whole demeanor changed.  He was subdued, dismissed the day as “ok” and changed the subject.

This shit pisses me off.  He shouldn’t have to downplay anything that he loves for someone who supposedly loves and cares for him.  I get she may be a bit jealous but come on.  WB may look – he is 18 but he doesn’t mess around, nor does he intentionally hurt people.  I want to smack him and give her hell.

Second Incident:

She chose the same University as WB.  Why?  Not who offered her scholarship money.  Not a campus more suited to her choice of majors.  So she can “keep an eye on him“.  Her words, not mine.

I don’t even know where to go with this.  So many things race thru my head and none are good.

Third incident:

She threw a fit at the formal last week because WB danced with another girl – who he has known since Grade 2.  Nothing to say to this because I’m seeing red just typing it again.

All in all, I have to bite my tongue.  It’s none of my business until it starts to intrude on school or his well being.  What I really want to do?  Sit her ass down and tell her what life is like outside of high school and she may want to let the trivial/controlling shit go now if she wants to be happy.  Oh, and maybe grow up???

8 Comments

I need more space in my brain

May 22, 2008 at 9:24 pm (Family, Stuff, Wonder Boy, Work)

I have so much floating in and about my head I can’t finish a blogpost.  I have three sitting in the draft section and two written out in my journal.  Can I focus enough to tweak them?  Not even close.

Why?  Several things.

My Mom and I are in the middle of the ultimate smackdown and I’m trying to be the big person, but damn.  When you stop by my office to continue the fight in person – you have CROSSED A LINE.

The wanker managed to screw something up so bad, my head is still spinning.  Oh and he’s on Holidays.

I am biting my tongue about WB’s girlfriend and her actions of late.  I have to keep chanting “Their brains don’t fully mature till 25.  Their brains don’t fully mature till 25.”  Not really working.

I had to transfer $3500 from my savings to WB’s University today.  I think my heart may have stopped for a minute and I don’t believe I have fully recovered.

I have a wedding and a christening this week end plus I work till midnight tomorrow at the pub.  Do I have gifts?  Do I know what I’m wearing?  Nada on both.

And other small, everyday annoyances.

My head hurts.  Off to drink Green Apple Stoli and watch Grey’s.

1 Comment

Shopping: WB – 2 Mom – 0

May 20, 2008 at 10:01 pm (Wonder Boy)

Shopping with WB is nothing but an exercise in futility.  I deserve a medal and more than earned the 2 glasses I sucked back when we returned home at 8:30pm last Thursday night.

We spent over two hours in the mall with only Starbucks to fortify us.  And don’t even think of harping at me about low blood sugar levels and how we should’ve eaten.  I was NOT stopping in the hunt for a jacket, shirt and tie.  You stop, you lose momentum.  And you miss Grey’s Anatomy.

Did we leave with all we needed?  No.  As evidenced in the pictures in the previous post, no jacket.  The reasons for this are threefold.

1.  WB is a 42 Tall.  In the shoulders and arms only.  The kid requires major alterations on the body of the jacket to fit his body better.  Otherwise?  Looks like he weighs about 250 pounds.  And with only that evening to get a jacket, alterations were out of the question.

2.  Various comments made by WB to test my near breaking patience.  Here are a few:

“Am I suppose to look like you’re laying me out in a coffin in about 5 minutes?”

“I look like a douchebag.”

“This is stupid.” – Said more times than I care to remember.

“Get the guy with the tape measure away from me or I string him up with it.”

3.  The admittance by WB that he has an idea in his head of what he wants but in all reality, “it probably doesn’t exist Mom.”   This comment was worth a glass of wine alone.

At 7:30pm I stopped asking him his opinion and just picked a shirt and tie.  Oh and 3 new pairs of dress socks as his others have gone missing.  WTF???  And even though he tried, white gym socks were not an acceptable option…..have I inadvertently raised a hillbilly?

We could conceivably go back to the same mall, try on one of the same jackets again and VOILA!!!  A jacket WB loves.  Why?  Because my son is NEUROTIC about clothing.

The evening did not end when we got home though.  After 2 glasses of wine and some fetal position rocking in the corner, it suddenly dawned on me.  I don’t know how to tie a tie……neither does WB.  DAMN RHINO for being 3000 km away. Yes, I was a being somewhat irrational – Your point???

How did we resolve this?  GOOGLE.  There are videos on the internet that demonstrate the how to.  Love these people who think of everything.

The end result?  WB looked handsome on Friday, jacket or not.

The long term effect?  Rhino is now responsible for shopping with WB for a suit for my sister’s wedding in September.  I suggest they get to it – only 4 months to go.

6 Comments

Formal Pictures

May 20, 2008 at 9:37 am (Wonder Boy)

Things have been crazy the past couple of days, especially since we had a long week end.  I give you some formal pictures to tide you over till I can retell the “Shopping” story.  Just by the pictures alone you’ll be able to tell how suit jacket shopping went.

7 Comments

Keep me in your thoughts

May 15, 2008 at 1:50 pm (Wonder Boy)

So WB’s formal is tomorrow.  Friday.  At 5pm.  Just a mere 27 hours from now.

For 5 weeks now I have asked on several occasions if he needs a suit for this event.  You know, as opposed to the dress pants and shirt he normally wears to functions.  I have offered to go shopping with him.  I know, after the hat incident, I must be crazy but hey – that’s what Mom’s do.   If we remembered how much grief the last “incident” was there would be a lot of only children out there.

At 10:30 last night WB informed me that he wanted a jacket and new dress shirt for his formal.  10:30 at night!!!!

After I threatened death, asked him if he left his brain at school and generally vented about lack of planning – I agreed to meet him at the mall after work today.

So, please think of me at 6pm EST, as I will be trolling the mall with my 18 year old trying to find a black suit jacket and as yet undecided coloured dress shirt.  I imagine we’ll be getting a tie too, just to be on the safe side.  Oh and more black dress socks – as the 2 pairs he had have gone missing.

6 Comments

Another WB moment

May 13, 2008 at 7:57 pm (Uncategorized)

WB spent the day at the University he’ll be attending in the fall for Science Day.  I know, the kid is a closet geek.  But a cute geek.

I would like to note, before I go on about our conversation, that it was the first truly warm, sunny day here in quite sometime.  About 80F.  May have some thing to do with WB’s observations.

The text messages:

WB:  On my way back.

Me:  Did you have a good time?  Learn something?

WB:  I love the Science lab.  I could live there.  And I love Guelph!

Me:  And you love the bars, the no parents, no harping mother….

WB:  Holy Shit, the girls Mom!

Me:  Put your eyes back in your head.

WB:  Ha, Ha.  Seriously, the ratio is like 5 girls for every guy.  Holy crap!

Me:  I’m not paying $15K a year for you to get lucky.  Focus!!  Education!!!

WB:  I know but seriously.  The girls!!  University rocks.

It’s going to be an interesting first year.

 

3 Comments

Mother’s Day

May 12, 2008 at 11:39 am (Uncategorized)

Mother’s Day has never been a big thing around here.  Usually we take my Mom out for dinner and WB drops one liners like “Isn’t this day over at noon, like April Fool’s?”

This year was a little different.  My sister and her fiance are house hunting in the over priced city of Toronto and could not make dinner this year.  So, my Mom chose the pub and we agreed to meet at 6pm.

WB had spent the week end at the girlfriend’s and sent me a text saying he may be a couple minutes late.  By the time he showed, my Mom and I had made a dent in the baked brie and our pints of Stella.

In true boy fashion, he whipped 2 cards out from inside his hoodie and wished us both a Happy Mom’s Day.  I thought it was beyond sweet that he got a card for his Grandma and that he went on inside about how proud of her he was.  Then came my card.  Anybody cried in a crowded pub before?  I don’t advise it, especially when everyone down to the dishwasher knows you.

The card was a little cheesy, but here is what he wrote inside:

“First of all I apologize for the cheesy card, I know it’s not our style.  For 18 years now you’ve put up with all the crap I’ve thrown at you…I’m impressed to say the least.  You’re always there for me through thick and thin and I’d like to think I’ve done the same for you.  You’ve made me the man I am and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love you so much, WB”

Yes, my eyes watered.  Ok, maybe a tear or two escaped.

It wasn’t till we got home that WB confessed he had bought the cards on his way home from the girlfriend’s and was so under prepared that he even had to buy a package of pens to fill out the cards.  He’s such a boy.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Mother’s Day! 

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